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So I came back from some time away, and saw that the flavor of Chile had been settled upon, at least until the end of the World Cup. Chile tastes like onions and tomatoes. Specifically, those two items as they are combined into “ensalada chilena” which means the onion will have been sliced and rinsed, to wash off some of the flavor, and it will have had oil poured on it. Be not jealous, your country’s flavor profile may already have been settled upon as well, as in the case of Peru, where the nation tastes like roasted chicken (I would have thought something more saucy or ceviche-like, but maybe those don’t go so well with the underlying papas fritas flavor). Brazil, predictably, tastes like feijoada, and Spain (because Spain is in Latin America?) tastes like Iberian sausage. Don’t believe me? I don’t blame you.

Wondering what I’m talking about? Here’s some visual explanation.

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I want you to know that in order to take these photos, I risked the running up of a security guard to tell me “you can’t take photos here,” like they occasionally do when you take photos in the supermarket. Long ago I was stopped, and they told me it had to do with competition. So I’m (secretly) telling you now. The supermarkets in Chile? They look like supermarkets.

But back to what your country tastes like. What do you think American chips should taste like. Pizza? Hamburgers? meatloaf? chocolate chip cookies? For what it’s worth, I wish we also got potato chips that taste like whatever country thinks it tastes like chile and lime, which I think might be Mexico or Costa Rica. Still no word out there on what those nations are supposed to taste like.

Also worth noting, I think all flavored chips tastes like someone opened up a tiny laboratory inside and threw engineered flavors all around. Because you know, they kind of did). And as a final note? The flavored potato chips we get here that taste like soy sauce and onion? No.